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    TRULOGY
    trü-lə-jē\

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« To my beloved cat - | Main | Hey friend - »

11/13/2009

Dear blob of cells -


You were not much more than that to most people.  The Dr.'s and nurses at the hospital were so callous when I came in bleeding and crying just knowing that the worst was yet to come.
 
I knew about you for 5 days.  5 amazing, wonderful days full of hope and the promise of what would be.  During those 5 days I had this constant nagging thought..."you will lose this baby."  I always pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking it was just a "new mom worry".
 
But it wasn't.  And we lost you.
 
To me, you were my child, my baby, my son or daughter.  I was so damned excited I told EVERYONE we were expecting you only to have to tell them all 5 days later that there would be no baby.
 
I was so sad.
 
I sobbed often...I felt like my whole world was falling apart.  The grief was so intense at times that I thought I would implode.
 
I remember seeing butterflies EVERYWHERE after you left and I would think of the story I read about butterflies being the souls of children no longer with us...it brought me comfort everytime.  I knew you were watching over me and letting me know you were ok so I could go on.
 
Gradually it got better and two months later you sent me your brother.  I was sooo scared I would fail with him too.  But you kept him safe.  You watched over us and made sure we were ok.
 
I still think of you often, even 6 years later.  I love you whole-heartedly and look forward to the day we will meet.  I just know you're so beautiful!!
 
Love Momma xo

Posted at 09:41 AM |

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I swear this could have been written by me. Thank you for saying what I couldn't....

Posted by: Jackie | 11/13/2009 at 10:42 AM

My God. Bless your heart and soul. He was a baby.

Posted by: jen | 11/17/2009 at 10:03 PM

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