i would have said thank you at the end of our class time together. but, you had already been admitted into the hospital.
thank you for teaching with such conviction.
thank you for not preaching your thoughts to us, but rather, letting us be responsible for our own learning, and harvesting our own ideas.
thank you for reminding me that i am a person filled with God. that i do have a spiritual path. that is the most important thing i took for your teaching us and i don't think i could have done it without your patience and understanding.
you will be missed. however, as one of your fellow professors said, and it seems true, you were called home. i can only console myself with this knowledge, that, and i am lucky to have had you as a person of guidance for as little time as i did.
...I just miss you so much. I'm sorry for what I said before you passed.. I didn't know you were leaving.. I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you. I was so wrapped up in my own world that I didn't notice you were lonely. I was more concerned with myself and keeping ME from becoming lonely or bored that I never noticed the time slipping by us. You were gone too soon.. I hope you know that I do love you... I still can't believe you're gone..
I miss you so much girl. You were the toughest, loyal, sweetest, loving dog I could ever ask for. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from my mother's abuse. I was just a scared kid. I hope you know that I love you so much. It's terrible you had to suffered the same physical and emotional abuse as I did. When I looked in your eyes there were so much sadness I couldn't make go away. I wish I was brave enough to stand up to her. You've had such a hard and short life. I'm so sorry I couldn't make her stop. I never stopped thinking about you throughout the years... I hope you're in a better place now. There's no other dog in this world like you. I still remember laying on the floor after she beat me down, I was bruised and I couldn't stop crying.. you came up to me and put your head on my lap. I'll never forget that moment. Maybe one day we'll see each other again girl, I'll always love you Bully.
Words cannot express the way I feel for you. seeing you in that hospital I did not know it would be the last time I ever saw you. We only know the reason I was not able to scream out your name or run over and touch you. You were my friend, my lover and so much more. It's crazy that i'm not able to talk to any one about us that's hurts the most. you were the shoulder i cried on. The one person i could be with and nothing else mattered. The place to get away from all the crazy world. Gave me advise whenever i needed it. Most of all you were a giving person, I know that God has you know and i need to find away to let go. You have always been in my heart. I love you and miss you.
your friend
You were not much more than that to most people. The Dr.'s and nurses at the hospital were so callous when I came in bleeding and crying just knowing that the worst was yet to come.
I knew about you for 5 days. 5 amazing, wonderful days full of hope and the promise of what would be. During those 5 days I had this constant nagging thought..."you will lose this baby." I always pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking it was just a "new mom worry".
But it wasn't. And we lost you.
To me, you were my child, my baby, my son or daughter. I was so damned excited I told EVERYONE we were expecting you only to have to tell them all 5 days later that there would be no baby.
I was so sad.
I sobbed often...I felt like my whole world was falling apart. The grief was so intense at times that I thought I would implode.
I remember seeing butterflies EVERYWHERE after you left and I would think of the story I read about butterflies being the souls of children no longer with us...it brought me comfort everytime. I knew you were watching over me and letting me know you were ok so I could go on.
Gradually it got better and two months later you sent me your brother. I was sooo scared I would fail with him too. But you kept him safe. You watched over us and made sure we were ok.
I still think of you often, even 6 years later. I love you whole-heartedly and look forward to the day we will meet. I just know you're so beautiful!!
Love Momma xo
You were always there when i needed comfort. no matter what you always would climb into my lap and purr as loud as you could, as if my presence was all you needed to be happy. when ever we had visitors you would come sit with me and my family members would all say, "yes, that's HER cat. he loves her more than anything" and i was so happy. then you got sick and we didn't know why you lost weight so fast. then the vet said it was cancer and we all fell apart. i found out a week later that my dad was going to put you down. i knew it was the kindest thing to stop your pain but i couldn't bear to see you, so thin and yet still purring loudly whenever you saw me. i left for the weekend and when i came back you were gone. i knew what had happened and i think i left that weekend just so i didn't have to see. when i came back the entire family was ignoring the subject and continuing on normally. I'm so sorry i didn't say goodbye when i left, so I'll say it now. Goodbye Spud, my little black kitty. know that i love you. and that you'll always be MY cat.
I miss you everyday. I am sorry for the choices I made and hope that you aren't disappointed in what you see when you watch me from heaven. Your little princess is growing up and is still learning about herself as well as the people she associates herself with. I wish you could have been here to meet your granddaughter she is has so much energy in her for the illness that she has. I know you are with us every time she goes in for another surgery and I am glad that you can be there in spirit though I do wish that you could be there in person. When I am there alone at night in her room during her recovery, I always wish you were there to wrap your arms around me and pull me in for one of your daddy bear hugs. I can't believe it is 11 years that you are gone I still expect you on some days to walk back in the door but I know that you aren't going to. I love you daddy and miss you every day.
I love you daddy.
Love,
V.
Oh, there are so many of you. So many of you gone. I have said before that if I had known, at 18, 19, 20, that this was going to happen, that I would lose you ALL, I don't know how I would have gone on living. If someone had said, before you've turned 30, you'll lose your PopPop and a girl you haven't met yet, but whom you will love like a little sister. And a few months after your birthday, your baby will die inside you, and another friend will turn his waxen face to you and say he is sorry. Three days later, you'll watch him die. And your crotchety grandmother, who wrapped up lekvar cookies for you every Christmas--just for you--you'll hold her hand as they disconnect her from machines. You will be in the room as she takes her last breath.
And then Daddy. Your Daddy will die.
If they had told me this, I could not have borne it.
You each deserve your own story. You each deserve something from me. I promise you I will say it, even if it's only here, where other broken hearts have come to rest. Soon.
For now, I love you. I miss you, all of you; sometimes the lack of you folds me in.
Today is your birthday. You would've (should've) been 55 today. Instead you've been dead almost a year, and the pain of losing you is something I will carry with me forever.
I'm sorry that I wasn't more patient with you in the last several months of your life, as the brain tumor got bigger and bigger and your personality changed more and more. I felt like I had just started to get used to the "new" dad, the one who woke up from brain surgery a changed man from the one I grew up with, and then as the tumor recurred and grew and grew . . . well, you got more and more different, and it got harder and harder for me to handle. Having you live with us while Mom got my childhood home ready for sale and we prepared to all move into a house together was hard; being around you all day every day, the differences were so pronounced . . . and being pregnant while taking care of a 2 year old, my patience was already at ebb tide. I'm sorry I didn't have more to give you.
I'm sorry that we didn't get more time. When things started to really go downhill, they went so fast . . . from the day we decided to discontinue treatment they said we might have three months, and we had barely three weeks.
I'm sorry that my initial response to your death was, in large part, relief. Relief that we were no longer dealing with cancer and hospice and medications and your steady decline. Watching you disappear piece by piece was agony, and I was glad when it was over. Now that I have put some distance between your illness and NOW, though, the pain of existing without you in my life is overpowering the relief of being through with cancer . . . and bringing with it a whole new kind of pain.
I'm sorry that my kids won't grow up knowing you--that my baby boy (less than a month old when you died) will have no memories of you at all, and that my daughter's memories will be fuzzy at best.
I'm so angry that you're gone . . . both that you were snatched from us forever on that operating table 4+ years ago, and that you were lost to us again in the beginning of this year.
I miss you like crazy, Dad.
I'm so mad at you for leaving.
So angry that you are not here.
To see your grandchildren grow up.
To pick up the phone when I need my best friend.
Most of all, I'm lost without you.
I wish I was there the day you left us.
To hold your hand and tell you that it's okay.
And for you to know that I will always love you.
I miss you mom.
